In some periods of my life I have been having anger attacks which at times have been quite severe. I had them when I was a child and then they reappeared in my mid 20´s and it got worse and worse. Having these anger attacks was one of the main reasons I started working with WSW.
Childhood Temper Tantrums had me destroying things
In my childhood I was well known for my temper and I would scream, kick and destroy things around me if I got triggered. It could be things which I felt was unjust or if I was forced to do something I did not want and I remember this sensation of things / feelings inside me squeezed together so I lost control and had to explode.
These attacks got more and more unusual in my teens, the last one I remember was when I was 18. At that time I wore a hat every day because I was preoccupied about starting to loose my hair, I did not want others to see this and I was very sensitive about this. A school friend took my hat and threw it around to tease me about this and . . . . this triggered an anger attack in a similar way to the Hulk. I really lost control and had all of my attention focused on getting that hat back no matter what. Some of my friends got a bit hurt but mostly surprised and shocked to see me like that.
I also felt very shamed and guilty afterwards.
From Enraged ‘unable to control my temper’ teenager to Sainthood
Then I had some calm years and almost turned into a kind of saint guy that never got angry or raised his voice. I never fought with my girlfriend and I was very accepting of everything and everyone. My girlfriend got tired of this and also I wanted to explore more facets of myself and dig for my genuineness so we started working on this together and I also did things myself.
During this period I got more interested in healing and meditation and I got fond of using an exercise I found on soul-healer.com called ‘Direct Interactive Healing’ that is about being moved by guides in different positions to open up to and release blockages, including blocked feelings, so I used this often to try and open up to my blocked areas.
Stressed times had my rage and anger reactions become out of control
In the beginning it was fun to get angry again and my girlfriend found it helped me to communicate in new ways BUT after a while I started getting these uncontrolled attacks again and then it wasn’t so much fun any more . . . .
When we got our first child things started to get really bad because then it was so many things to do, it was stressful times and these things / feelings inside squeezed together even more often and had to explode and some times it felt like I imploded with just so much pressure from many different directions that I got paralysed so instead of getting angry and act out I would at times just sit and boil inside and it was not possible to communicate with me.
I would withdraw and stay distant to cope
When I started working with WSW about a year after my first child came one of my main drives was to resolve this anger problem which affected mostly my girlfriend and my child.
When I got angry I could be ‘away’ mentally for 1-3 hours and sometimes I took out my anger violently on furniture and walls. I was sick, tired and heartbroken to not be able to function properly or be a good father and I understood that I could not resolve it myself.
Starting to address these emotions
When we started working on this I was having anger outbursts about 2-5 times a week that were triggered by a wide variety of things;
- I was very sensitive about doing ‘male’ things like putting up shelves, if things went wrong I easily became the Hulk
- When my child touched my technical things, which triggered memories of the things she had broke
- When people did not understand or even listen when I was explaining or teaching something
- Very easily upset when talking about my mother
The slow turn around
This problem turned out to not be one of those issues that goes away in 5 minutes with one focus, which is often the case with many feeling issues BUT not mine . . . . this was anger from many different lives of living out the same reactions and attacks as I was experiencing in this one. I had tried to block this happening many times and so I had layer upon layer of buried anger to engage with and release all sandwiched between sealing energy barriers put there lifetime after lifetime.
So during my first 2 years of working with WSW I had phases with much anger and I often worked with a clearing focus for this 5-10 minutes every day in these phases and then there were other phases when I did not get angry at all for some weeks or so.
Energetic Crap responsible for creating and maintaining feeling states
It turned out that there were many things actually CAUSING, CREATING and MAINTAINING these emotional reactions, outbursts and the associated feelings. There was energetic crap in large numbers and in some cases beings (entity attachments) were contributing to this too. The energetic crap was well hidden because it was sealed in with all the past layers of buried feelings. It was these that were the REAL cause of me having these enraged, angry, out of control outbursts. Hence it took a while to progressively open up all that had accumulated through lifetime after lifetime of living through the same. I have an audio example (you can listen to the healing session of this) of dealing with one of these attachments that was making me lose my temper (this example is HERE).
I also had lots of shame and guilt because of not liking being like this and these feelings too I had buried and sealed off creating another set of contained layers holding these resonances around me. So, I’m also clearing the accumulations of these shame and guilt feelings too and so these are all being gradually reduced and left behind.
It’s not there yet but it’s going . . .
Now days I don’t get these attacks so often and now when I think about how it used to be that feels reeeeally nice. I experience some similar type of attacks about once a month but then they are less severe and don’t last as long and they are most of the time set up by the guides for me to process deeper effects related to anger stuff. Now I’m able to be more present with my family, I still have lots to work on and its far from perfect but this part is at least partially out of the way so that I can deal with other things.
Clive’s Comments: Our strategies of choice are to NOT engage with ‘difficult’ feelings and our solutions are ALL of the quick fix nature; bury, blanket, contain, neutralise, signal jam, seal off; basically anything to change a clients ‘resonance’ and hence what they are considered to be responsible for ‘attracting’. The outcome is that difficulties are pushed out of awareness, abilities to deeply explore become impossible and opportunities to gain greater understandings lost. The latest offerings to ‘deal’ with difficult feelings such as TFT and EFT are wonderful examples of this short sighted attitude. Used as ’emergency’ solutions to temporarily alleviate difficult feelings while the real causes are identified and dealt with would be fine. Unfortunately, these solutions used regularly and lifetime after lifetime can and DO lead to secondary and in some cases stupendously chronic outcomes.
Samuel’s Swedish healing website you can find HERE