Encountering the origins of sexual trauma and being internally guided to release the emotions from these in many past lives simultaneously. Using these internal encounters to reprogram now debilitating behavioural responses that arose to cope with and survive the original horrendous situations to gain confidence, self expression, self respect and a standing as an equal.
First sexual encounters present powerful reactions
From my very first sexual encounters I had very powerful reactions! The first time a boy was attracted to me at age 16 all I wanted to do right then and there was to kill myself. I couldn’t understand why I was so panicky when this boy was so tender. This panic continued for two years during which I deliberately trained myself and my body day after day to slowly get used to a boy’s touch. After I started making love, I found myself extremely docile sexually. I never said no to any sort of experimentation – and this boy was very creative! It was almost as if it was normal for me to do all of those things (many years later, I found none of the women I knew did the things I had learnt to do!). At age 25, I was taken advantage of sexually by a monk who sensed I was an easy prey. Also I was married to a man who also had weird desires, and I always complied.
Wanting to engage with unresolved sexual traumas
At this time as part of the WSW I was holding to the intention to engage with and release any unresolved sexual traumas by working with a statement of intent every day. This statement was designed such that I was basically asking creation to give me whatever I needed to free me from my past sexual traumas and limiting experiences. This had already started to work in other facets of my life in that I having daily encounters with a man who was sexually pursuing me in a disrespectful way. Today I had just faced this man’s anger because I had not being willing to go to bed with him and just after this encounter another man made unwanted sexual advances toward me to. So, things were not only moving but were getting intense. These encounters were pressing buttons within me and I could feel things stirring.
Little did I know where this was going to lead to . . . .
So, the following is a full account of my experience of releasing deeply held and blocked emotional trauma from past life sexual suppressions. It was amazing how my life unfolded to make this happen over a four day period. This is how this happened . . .
Day 1: I arrived home and put on some music from African women, particularly a song from a middle eastern woman hit me right in the heart. I couldn’t understand the words, but I could feel she was singing about longing for freedom. I immediately connected with her voice, and was very moved.
I decided to make lunch. I had bought beets on a whim a few days ago, for the first time in a couple of years. I decided to grate them raw . . . of course, red juice came out. So, while still listening to the same song over and over, I found myself playing with the juice and spreading it on my arms. It felt like blood, like menstrual blood. I went to the mirror, sort of in a trance and looked at the juice/blood. I suddenly wanted to do more. So I put my beets in the refrigerator and got my acrylic paints out. I filled a bowl with bright red paint, whatever looked the most like blood . . . and I started painting myself.
Touching Sex Slave Past Life times while in a Trance
I must have done this for a few hours, I wasn’t in a hurry. I didn’t think, I didn’t judge what I did, I just intentionally let myself go with wherever this ‘trance me’ wanted to paint, then walking to a big mirror, looking at me, feeling this being within me, now taking all my clothes off so I could paint my breasts and my lower belly . . . from time to time, I stood again in front of the full-length mirror and I danced. I picked up a big red scarf and I danced again, twirling around, playing with the scarf. I gradually realised that I was actually belly-dancing, like the harem girls of mid-eastern cultures (though I have never done that before in this life). I was in a trance, alternating between painting myself – I felt to myself more and more like a whore or a sex-slave- and dancing and feeling what I felt . . . a kind of terrible inner tragedy, but with dry eyes. There was no room for crying or self-pity then, I simply had to survive. My painted being felt beautiful in a desperate way, like imprisoned beauty. In fact all the lines on my body looked like straps and chains . . . In this aware trance, I was taken back to another time another life of actually living in a harem, yet I was also fully conscious of being Maya in her house in the 21 st century . . .
The harem . . . all the girls in one place . . . some hating each other, hating ME . . .
I didn’t know how to fight my way. I didn’t know how to be tough.
I had done nothing but be born beautiful and young in flesh!
I didn’t know how to protect myself. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong.
yes, but hiding and being shy seems to make them want you even more.
Nothing to them like young virgin flesh.
You might get to eat the leftovers on his plate.
The delight to open a fresh rose and be the one who makes the blood run
It hurts, it does not feel good to my body or to my heart.
I get nothing, not even affection, not even kindness.
After it’s all over, you are rejected, useless.
From now on, you might as well die.
The fuss over you is made just to get your first blood running.
It’s a valuable pleasure to break through your tight door, uninvited,
Like a robber breaking savagely through someone’s treasure vault.
Once the door is broken open, then it’s all over.
You’re one like all the others.
Now it’s time to learn to please a man if you want to survive
You learn to give him what he wants, to guess what he likes,
And may be, just may be,
But you will always be at the mercy of your master’s whims and fancies,
Things can change in a minute.
You are never never safe . . .
Being the prey of men,
Being dressed-up before appearing in front of them,
Like an animal before sacrifice,
Feeling their greedy eyes on you,
Feelings returning from being part of a harem in a Previous Life
When my partner arrived home he found me in full harem gear, naked and in another world. It was all so amazing that I asked him to take some pictures so we could remember; they represented exactly what I had felt that afternoon.
Day 2: I put on the same African music when I started my daily exercise . . . and was unexpectedly assailed by emotions in the middle of my routine. I immediately stopped what I was doing to allow space for the feelings to come through, whatever they were.
That was enough for them to surface full force: For a good two hours, my body unloaded memories, going from curling up on the floor and wanting to hide to desperate wailing and sobbing, coughing and gagging. As I focused on the feelings and gave them permission to come out uncensored and unrestricted, images came of men attacking me, abusing me sexually one after the other and other such ugly scenes.
What was amazing is that I was the observer of those scenes as well as the one who lived them. I was again clearly present in two places at the same time, the woman screaming and crying on the floor as someone raped her and the Maya (whose body these remembrances were happening in) watching the whole scene and also making sure the woman on the floor was safe, encouraging her to completely let go of all restrictions in her expressions and let everything out. I was at once the therapist directing the recall and the client going through them.
I was lying on the floor in front of a closet-size mirror and it greatly helped me to see my own face in the mirror filled with tear and anguish. Every time I looked, I felt compassion for the woman I saw in the mirror and I felt her pain even more intensely and thus the remembrances would go even deeper. In the midst of all this ‘dumping’, I even had the presence of mind to take pictures of myself through the mirror! I knew they would help me to realise later how real the whole process of remembering and resolving had been.
Starting to Remember & Release the Trauma of Past Life Rapes!!!
Something in my throat opened that day, because I found myself screaming louder than I have ever done in my entire life. I stuffed my head in a pillow to try and muffle my blood-curdling screams . . . as I was sure they could be heard from far away . . . What would I have said to people walking in on me . . . they would have surely thought I was going through a total breakdown and would have called emergency . . . what would I say? “Oh, I don’t need any help, thank you, I’m perfectly OK, I am simply remembering past-life rapes?”
The memories were so vivid that there was absolutely no difference between past and present, except that there was this extra me in control of the situation. I then suddenly remembered what Clive and Cris had suggested I do to turn around what these original traumas did to me. So, after revisiting and releasing the physical and emotional pain, I asked to relive those incidents one more time. But this time, from my ‘Conscious-mind’, I reacted rather than be a panic-stricken victim of these attacks: I found the strength to face my total fear of those encounters of men in past lives, to scream at them and even kick a few with a vengeance, in other words, I went from being the crushed, powerless victim to standing and defending myself no matter what.
It was very strange to kick people who weren’t physically in the room with me but I tell you their energies were there and I definitely felt I was hitting real people.
Getting out & Letting Go of the still trapped Anger and Rage
I wasn’t angry with those men, though. I just had enough courage to push some of them away. But I intuitively felt my never-before screaming had opened a new door within me (well, probably a very old rusted one): The door of anger and real strength to fight, which I had never expressed in this life. This would be my next step, for sure . . . but I didn’t know how it would come to pass. I felt some strong energies were needed to be gathered within me to allow myself to get angry . . .
Day 3: I was quite calm and was meant to give me time to recuperate from the torrent of release of the previous day . . . nevertheless, a little incident happened which confirmed my intuition.
Hurricane Frances was making its approach on the East Coast of Florida, sending people into making preparations for evacuating. An old friend of mine, an older woman who had just started going through chemo, called me and asked me to help her. I was willing to do that for sure, but she had already planned how I was to help her without asking if this was alright for me. I had my first altercation with her because for the first time, I dared to stand my ground about this. I could clearly feel the beginning of anger coming to the surface as I spoke to her loudly and quite forcefully; this wasn’t my usual behaviour. I told her that this wasn’t the time to challenge me as I was working on anger issues, (never mind that she didn’t understand what that meant) . . . In truth, it was the best gift she could give me to be exactly as she was! I was surprised at myself for being so tough and questioned whether I had lost my kindness and compassion . . . after all she was sick and risked losing her house . . . but I also realised that the issue at hand was one which had kept reappearing because I had never dealt with it.
Being OK being angry with someone
I could feel that I was getting close to letting some deep unexpressed anger out. I could feel it slowly bubbling up, but I wasn’t sure if was ok to be angry with someone. It was really against my conditioning to do this and lose control . . . Then I remembered someone’s recent outrageous anger expressed toward me and feeling thankful he had shown me this to me. It helped me accept my new desire to express my own (because I had found I had not condemned his). So, I decided to try and not be out of control like him when my time came. I decided I would allow my anger out but in a controlled way, that is in circumstances where it would be justified and without letting it run loose. At least, that was my goal.
Day 4: This was the day of the great blow-out . . . all was very well-planned indeed . . . When I called my friend the next morning to offer her an alternative solution to her problem, one which would simplify greatly my work without bothering her, she interrupted me before I could even finish my explanation, already assuming it was impossible! I had to scream to get her to stop her non-sense excuses, and hear me out. I couldn’t believe how easily I was blowing up. I had never been like that! Yet, I felt totally justified and even more, I realised being angry was the only way I could make my point come across to someone who would not listen to me.
By the time I hung up, my friend had finally heard me and thought my idea good. She phoned me a few minutes later back to tell me all was well. I proceeded to explain my next idea . . . same scenario with her interrupting me . . . same reaction from me of shouting to be heard . . . but this time she hung up on me! Oh well, I thought, tough luck for her, now she is the one in trouble . . .
Recovering some power of the self, speaking your truth
The idea I had given my friend to evacuate was to ask my ex-husband â€“ who was also her friend- to drive her part of the way as he was going in the same direction. I had not talked to him in at least a year and a half. The ride was to be worked out between my friend and him, and I didn’t feel involved in any way.
I continued my day, stunned by my own courage to get angry and stay removed from these events, then the phone rang again . . .
And this one was really amazing . . . . .
When I answered the phone it was him – my ex-husband and I heard this thunderous voice immediately lashing all sorts of false accusations at me. My friend had called him but also complained that I ‘wasn’t nice to her’ and he was taking this opportunity to call and unload his own anger as well as a mountain of accusations about my being a bad mother. I had been an easy target for his anger and even physical abuse during the last few years of our marriage and even since our separation . . . which is why we didn’t talk any more. I had never fought back, but always tried to make peace with him, and he still did not respect me.
I was stunned to get him on the phone on the very day my anger was exploding out of me. What perfect timing I thought; just incredible! If there was anyone who I could unleash my anger at without feeling guilty, it was him . . . It was high time for me to re-establish a balance and show him that from now on, I respected myself enough to not take any unwarranted condemnations from him (I knew perfectly well that I was a good mother). I don’t think he understood what happened during that phone call: For the first time in my life with him, instead of staying calm as usual, I fought back like a tiger, shouted at him as I never did, and in no time showed him the ridicule of his anger and sent it right back to him. My way of being surprised him so much he ended calling me some bad name and retreated by hanging up on me!
Now, that was a slam-dunk! My inner fire was really pouring out of me now, just like a volcano erupting, but in an orderly controlled way;
- Inside I felt calm, very alive and (in looking in) perfectly justified in all that I had said. I had told my truth but I had not exaggerated, I had been firm, and yes, I had shouted, but I had not been mean. I had discovered that powerful anger can be appropriate to display in certain circumstances, and is even necessary to use at times.
- Outside, I felt incredibly powerful and courageous and knew I had acquired a new strength through the release of this anger: the strength to stand up and not let anyone, especially powerful men, step on my toes in silence, but within fairness and equity.
My ex-husband has never gotten angry with me once since that time, and I have completely stopped being uncomfortable with male anger. Men who make lewd remarks do not bother me any more, and I can easily send them flying on their way if they are disrespectful. I am really amazed to see that those reactions I carried for so many years have actually gone.
It’s really incredible how the soul energies work to synchronise events perfectly. I do not cease to be in awe of the process. Amazing when I look back, to see it so incredibly well-orchestrated, and made to fit perfectly with someone like me who likes “colourful” stories! The WSW team must have had fun planning it. And it worked very well.
Keywords: synchronism’s, trauma release, anger release, confidence, self respect, emotional trauma release
their hands yearning to touch you . . .