Clearing anger and rage from past sexual violations?
This example describes the release of anger and frustration that had built up over many existences of being subjected to sexual violations and suppression while not being able to express what I feel about what has been done to me.
Pain in sternum represents past emotional blocks
I have been releasing the emotions from past sexual traumas for over a year now. Six months ago I began to feel a pain in my sternum which represents many of the blocks I applied to cope with what I experienced. I can still feel the pain in the bone there, and every now and then, I am taken with coughing. But it’s now more of an irritated cough, rather than the gagging/throwing up that it was before. This is understandable as each time I have opened to these past stored emotions to let them go then the pain has been lessening and or changing as have the other symptoms that represent the sexual repression and trauma I have been resolving.
Dealing with and releasing suppressed anger and rage
Each release has been dealing with a different set of emotions and or types of violation. This example describes the release of anger and frustration that had built up over many existences of being subjected to sexual violations and suppression and of being unable to express what I feel about what has been done to me. My cough represents me not speaking or not expressing what I felt, it is a representation of closing my throat down.
So, this morning, when working with my laptop in a cafe, my battery suddenly goes dead on me, making me lose my writing. A loud explosive “shit, damn it!” comes out of my mouth before I have the time to stop it. I feel angry and people are looking up disapprovingly from their cup of coffee to see who is the woman who swears like that.
Coughing and screaming to release pent up unexpressed emotion
I really don’t care at all, but I can feel this shouting in public has shattered something inside of me, in my sternum. I go to my van to drive to visit a friend 20 minutes away. As soon as I am in the van, I feel this need to scream. So I do. Over and over. Wild blood-curdling screams, as loud as I can make them. Never mind if people in their cars can hear me. I feel that’s what wants to come out of my sternum, so I let it happen. I start coughing very loudly again, I’m trying to dislodge this stuck “stuff’ I have. Tears come out, but they are not sobs as usual, more tears of frustration . . . . .
Soon, I arrive at my friend’s house, but I know I am not done with this release. I stop the van in her driveway but I can’t get out of my van. I am taken with coughing and screaming again. I know my friend is going to come out of her house to greet me and find me like this . . . . she comes close, says hi and asks me if I am OK . . .
In the midst of my coughing, I manage to tell her I am having a WSW release (she has recently started doing WSW as well and has not yet experienced such release like this - maybe she needs to be aware of this as a possibility?). I open the door of my van to be with her but instead my body rolls onto the grass and keeps on coughing and screaming. I do that for about 5 minutes with her watching me and then I feel like I am done for the moment and I get up and we go inside her house.
I still don’t know if this sternum thing is done. My sternum gets really sore after such a release. like it’s been opened up from very deep. But what’s interesting is to notice that this release was different from the first one: No sexual images at all, but instead anger and frustration, at the idea of being confined, in prison, not free or be as I wish. It feels that this release was probably activated by the representation of being judged for swearing by the people at the cafe.
Some comments;
Symptoms of suppressed emotions or self expression
Pain in the sternum is often from heart based feelings being betrayed, let down or not being acknowledged. Coughing in the ways described above is often a representation of you forcing yourself to not speak or express yourself in the distant past. Coughing like this is almost a way of showing that something that needs to be spoken or expressed has been swallowed. Heart burn is usually of swallowing down heart based feelings and expression. Maya never used to get angry or enraged even though she was repeatedly not treated well be men. She actually enjoys getting angry now and in fact does not see being angry or enraged as negative; which it certainly isn’t not unless you have things making and keeping you chronically angry of course or other things making others react against you or hurting you for expressing yourself openly . . . . . they don’t help much either.
Keywords: a sexual trauma release, releasing anger and frustration, sexual submission release, sexual compliance issues
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