A little background with hopefully not TMI (Too Much Information)

I have Autisum/Asbergers and can feel the tingly magic where I feel like I can someday do amazing healing powers but I am being blocked by my temper which I will explain later where I believe it (the temper) stems from.

After my parents researched Autisum to have better patience with me:

I learned that Autisum has something called efferin which is some kind of chemical that reacts when one is upset but Autistics tend to have it last twice or even three times as long as a regular person.

I recently have had Hyper-D dreams that tell me in a past life I belonged to a spiritual group that I stood up against to speak out the truth and got cursed somehow for doing so and am no longer part of their little charade.

Every time I try to do something to try and heal others I always get an energy *feedback* of some sort that puts me into either a state of fear/denial or something happens to sabotage the effect like constant interruptions outside of my control to get me to throw a tantrum and sabotage myself.

I am now learning to detach myself from situations that entice me but then I have to sacrifice my chance to heal others.

I hope I am not doomed to be a coward healer forever.

While brainstorming for speech ideas, I thought of how I really wanted to help or heal others or of making a difference in others’ lives in a lasting way. But when I tried to think of anything along deep healing, I’d experience mental confusion, or I’d have difficulty finding any way of getting any job or career that can help me prepare in being a healer. Or I’d doubt and ask myself whether this is what I REALLY want or whether I’m better off with another career.

In the end, all I talked about was how I wanted to have some (non-healing) articles published on magazines or publications.

This quote, in particular struck me:

“It seemed that every time I would feel secure or brave enough to speak about my passions, interests or experiences then this always attracted many reactions against me.”

Sometimes I feel the same way too when I try to talk about anything ‘paranormal’ or multidimensional. I find it very hard to discuss alternative or ‘psychic’ healing with the people around me because they’re affiliated to Christianity or Buddhism. I still have difficulty openly talking about or presenting soul-healer.com information to others. And if they do listen to what I say, they lose interest after a while or they will immediately counteract what I say without even asking why my perception of reality is different from theirs.

I’ve not experienced being a healer yet. But I feel I’ll also experience lots of sabotage if I dare try to pursue healing as a career.