Waiting for the ex girlfriend to return until the end of the universe syndrome
Ever been in a relationship that was ok but not brilliantly brilliant and then when it finishes you find yourself compelled to wait for this woman even though it seems insane to even contemplate doing this. How many of you have done this? Been held stuck, finding it so difficult to move on? Want to know what may be causing this?
Traumatic relationship split after wonderful weekend
This one is good, you will definitely like this one. So, after two and a half years in a relationship and quite a difficult one at that it finishes quite traumatically - at least it does for me. I have been opening up, resolving issues and deeply exploring myself while she has been hiding behind the sofa. This widening gap has past its ability to be bridged by about a year. So, you cannot fault my tenacity; although I am taking the maxim ‘never give up’ to masochistic if not naive extremes. So, we have been weaving along, somewhat bouncing off the walls and then one late spring weekend all the way from early Friday evening until late Sunday, the sun comes out, literally and figuratively and I am and “we?” are the most feeling, in tune, engaged almost ever. A most wonderful weekend only spoilt on Monday by her revelation that she has involved herself with some guy from work?
Entering a surreal none life?
While I am in the complicated process of trying to figure out what ‘involved’ in this instance really means, we split up, wednesday she moves out, to ‘I hear’ move in with him the following week. By this time I have entered a reality called “surrealsville”. I even imagine that I am a member of a film cast in a surreal film and at any moment I will hear “cut” shouted from behind a hidden clapper board indicating that normal reality will resume shortly. Reality of course rather than resume just continued - what a bastard EH!!.
This was horrible and horrible is in this instance just a polite way of saying that it was horrendously horrendous with a capital H. I was staggeringly crushed. So, it came as quite a revelation after on the one hand struggling with a relationship with probably unbridgeable differences to on the other being stabbed in the heart plus being told later some quite nasty, uncalled for and definitely unloving and further traumatising things TO FIND that I was completely INTENT on waiting for her to return and not being able to let go. STARK RAVING BONKERS.
Inner compulsion or obsession to wait for the ex-girlfriend to return
So, ’something’ in me was going to have me wait until hell froze over for this woman to return. I really could not for the life of me understand how my head could even vaguely consider this as a viable life enhancing strategy. I had to make a huge and conscious effort on a daily basis to not do what ’something’ seemingly in me wanted. Yes, the original situation was very disturbing but to be honest my head obsessively focused on trying to convince me to WAIT was equally unnerving. I cannot state this strongly enough. I could not rationalise any valid reason; logically, emotionally, intuitively or other to explain why waiting was a viable option. I made a huge effort to ignore this inner compulsion and move on but it was a huge effort.
This happened just the once, but once was quite enough thank you. Actually thinking about it now, I had a few girlfriends before this where although I was not with them for long I did feel the same at least once in terms of wanting to wait, but it was not anywhere near as strong probably because these relationships were not as involved or as long lasting.
Finding that I was being MADE to not let go to not move on
When releasing the last emotions from the original trauma that this situation represented (loss) it suddenly dawned on me that I should check for anything that would force me to deliberately wait and yes there they were. A bunch of them whose job was to keep me so lost in relationship and emotional shit that I would never surface. It took just a few minutes to clear them. Having followed another favourite maxim “You are responsible for all that you create in your life” for more years than I care to remember now, it came as quite a shock to find this to be absolutely and completely untrue. We live assuming that our thoughts and feelings are ours - that we originate them, we make them. I am finding this distressingly untrue for many of my own and my clients issues. There have been many things done to us to quite deliberately make us less than we are capable of being.
Keywords: relationships, breaking up, waiting, not letting go, emotional attachments, holding on, obsessive attachments, ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends
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