Compulsion to look at violent and degrading pornography
The time I was taken by an extreme compulsion to continually look at violent and degrading pornography even though I have no interest in such things.
One day, out of the blue, I just get this compulsion to look at violent pornography, which then just popped up everywhere to keep me locked into viewing it. It is not like I enjoy looking at pornography in the first place either, I actually find it rather boring. For two days I had a compulsion that I can only say made me look at these things (lacking better words). I actually got no enjoyment in doing this nor was there a feeling of needing to do this within myself, it is hard to describe but it was just something I felt completely compelled to do for no reason that I could understand. So, I just looked at this I stuff until it suddenly hit me that maybe this was actually something that I was being made to do and not anything within me making this choice. Getting a little better; at least it just took two days and not a month like the time I was being made to feel ill before I decided to check. Well done Goran.
So, I did check and right enough there was a few of those interference things all working away making me like this. I identified them myself and got the teams to remove them and that was that - gone - just like switching off a light bulb. One minute completely lost in this craziness and the next; its all gone.
Any additional comments? I had another set that worked in the same way about 3 weeks later but this was very quickly nipped in the bud since I knew from experience what was happening and also what to look for so they were dispatched extra promptly.
WSW observations; I have know Goran for a few years as a client and friend. He is a gentle, cultured guy with great values and so I can confirm what he says himself that doing this is completely at odds with his nature - more like off the planet. In some ways this is one of the frightening things about this type of manipulation. They can influence your life dramatically in ways that are completely opposed to your values and character and they can do this quite quickly and seamlessly. For those of a less robust mentality or unstable nature this could destroy or shatter their life.
Keywords: Compulsion, violent pornography, life distractions, shocking compulsions, negativity, hidden manipulations, sexual compulsions, out of character, pornographic material
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Comments
I had the same thing happen with me even though I’d never had any interest in bestiality. One day it showed up in my e-mail, I found it repulsive, yet I couldn’t take my attention away from it. I just kept asking to have it removed. It finally was. What was so strange was not having any interest in it, being repulsed by it and yet feeling a facination with it almost like I was hypnotised as prey by a snake or something similar.
My partner kept urging me to look at this porn stuff, wasn’t really sure of his motive, i think it turned him on & he thought it would do the same for me, else he thought it would shock me, or i would think it funny. At first i was repulsed & horrified & absolutely heart broken when shown the animals involved - how dare humans use & abuse animals in this abhorrent way. Any way was sort of forced to continue looking & looking & looking until i was able to understand what was going on enough to be at peace with it all & understand each players part in each act. To look at it openly without my own trauma etched onto it. Anyway my partner & i are splitting up & he is moving on so maybe he can continue to enjoy & pleasure himself with these things while i move on to more me - enjoyable sex stuff !